He took toys out of my son’s room and gave them to our grandchildren without asking. He remodeled my daughter’s room while she was at school.
While helping my daughter’s boyfriend, I caught him rummaging through a box of papers in the back of the boyfriend’s car. I told him these things were none of his business, and his response was, “This is if I make it my business.”
My kids gave us no reason to go through their rooms – no drinking / smoking / stealing or other reasons to snoop.
My daughter has since graduated from college and is headed for graduate school.
My son (who will soon be 21) works and lives with us.
My husband has searched their rooms for years without me telling him that they are older and deserve their privacy. He shouldn’t go through their business!
My son doesn’t clean his way, so he uses it as an excuse to get into his room.
I’m worried that when he’s retired and home, he’s likely going to go through things he’s not allowed to go through.
I know that if I confront him with this worry, he will get angry, as he always does.
– Nervous wife before retirement
Nervous wife before retirement: Obviously, there is no way for you to stand up for your children’s very reasonable right to privacy without your husband getting mad, so let him get mad.
I can’t think of any loving spouse who enjoys confronting their partner with a recurring and difficult problem, but if you are too afraid of your husband’s anger to face his legitimate and disrespectful habit, then this is a real red flag. concerning your relationship.
In fact, the person who rearranges a young woman’s room without asking and who passes and cedes the property of his stepson, sounds like a tyrant who believes he can do everything “his business” and who rules the roost by the intimidation.
I imagine your son might want to put a lock on his bedroom door, but since he doesn’t actually own the house (or bedroom), the best option would be for him to look for other accommodation. In the meantime, you should urge her to store anything deeply personal or private offsite.
And, yes, anytime you see your husband violating your (or someone else’s) privacy, you should call him. If you are too afraid of his anger to tell him about it, then he is not someone you should be living with in retirement when he will have a lot more free time.
Dear Amy: How do I deal with a coworker who believes the pandemic is a hoax?
He is otherwise pleasant to deal with and pleasant to talk to.
– Stressed in Sacramento
Stressed in Sacramento: For now, you should primarily deal with this person from a safe distance.
Otherwise, since the global pandemic is not a hoax, you don’t have to prove the reality.
He makes a statement. So if you choose to engage with her claim (I’m not sure why you would), you could ask her to prove the pandemic is a hoax. But like those people who believe that the man’s walk on the moon has been staged, you should be prepared for an endless stream of nonsense, false “evidence” and denial.
Dear Amy: A reader recently criticized you for suggesting that you could start a first date by announcing that you would have an “event” later – in case you wanted to cut things off.
It is not really a lie. The “event” can be seen as a meeting – with yourself. I have found this very useful when I first encountered matches online. I kept the first meeting short, then I would go home and try to shake off that first date excitement and those impulses that sometimes made me ignore the obvious red flags.
Experimented: Although tame, I still believe coffee dates are the best and wisest choice for a first date.
2021 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency