Thomas and I have a close relationship and talk about almost every topic except his lack of dating or having someone special in his life. I want to ask him why he isn’t dating, but I don’t want to embarrass him in case it’s not something he wants to talk about with his mom.
My husband is not a very good communicator and I think if he asked our son this question it would be a very awkward conversation for both of them. My husband and I joke to him that we’ll need grandchildren soon (he’s our only child) and we all laugh about it with no real answers.
If Thomas is happy not to be in a relationship or dating, that’s okay, because he seems very happy with everything else in life. It seems strange to me that he and I can talk about so many other things, and yet I never bring this subject up to him. We had a casual chat about dating when he was in high school, but nothing since. Should I broach this topic to him (and how should I phrase it), or should I let our overall good relationship continue as it is?
Curious: You say that if your son “Thomas” is happy and well adjusted without having “anyone special” in his life, you wouldn’t mind. You think he is happy and well adjusted. And now it’s time for you to accept this. Beautifying your son so that he gives you grandchildren is abhorrent. It’s not funny either, although he laughs graciously about it.
The possibilities here are:
He is gay and chooses to hide this from you.
He dates a lot of people (women, men, or both), but doesn’t tell you about it because he’s afraid you’ll start advocating for marriage and grandchildren.
He is asexual and/or not at all interested in a partnership, and is going through this stage of his life happily and on his own.
Or he’s looking outside, but he doesn’t want to discuss it with his parents because he’s a grown man and has plenty of other people to discuss his love life with.
I think the way to open this topic (and also put it aside) would be for you to say, “I’m sorry for the times we bothered you about having grandchildren. I hope this didn’t make you too uncomfortable. I also hope that if you ever have someone special in your life, you will let us know.
Dear Amy: I am a widow and after my husband died I became friends with a man who knew my late husband. “Frank” has helped me with some business matters and I really like him.
After talking on the phone, texting, and going to dinner (where we both seemed to be having a good time), Frank said into a clear blue sky, “It’s been three years since your husband died.” What does that mean? Is he saying it’s time to move on in this relationship, or is he saying it’s time to stop seeing each other?
We are both adults and single. I would appreciate your guidance.
Wondering: Here are my directions: Turn right. Find your phone. Use it to ask “Frank” to do something that has nothing to do with business. I suggest you toss around the idea of getting coffee and going for a walk in the park, because that’s what worked for me the last time I asked a man out. It may seem terrifying, but if you’re ready to go back, a little courage is required. I hope you will follow up.
Dear Amy: I see the wedding season is approaching. Every year I look forward to all the questions about bridesmaids, showers, in-laws, etc. in your column. Many of them seem so stupid! I’m relieved I don’t have to go through that again (I hope!).
Fan: Oh yes. Answering these annual questions is like standing in front of a confetti bomb.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
