Ask Amy: A Man in My Wife’s Running Group Texts Her Too Much

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Ask Amy: A Man in My Wife’s Running Group Texts Her Too Much

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Dear Amy: My wife is an avid runner and usually runs on weekends with a group of regulars. Recently a man came into the group and he seems to be reaching out a lot. It started with questions about running, but seems to have morphed into other areas. He always initiates the texts and she responds politely by answering his questions.

She is completely open, shows me everything and often tells him about her plans with her husband and children. He then glosses over this information and basically seems to pretend that we don’t exist.

I’m not at all concerned about my wife’s behavior but I’m a man, she’s amazing and I have a weird feeling about it. I don’t know how to approach this weirdness. Do you have a suggestion?

Unlucky: Talk to your wife about it and ask her what she thinks about this text message contact. Is it annoying or intrusive?

And then tell him honestly that it bothers you. Don’t make a big deal out of it and insist that she needs to block him, but tell him, “I’m a guy, you’re amazing, and I think he’s in love with you.” This concerns me because I’m a guy, you’re amazing and I’m definitely in love with you.

Dear Amy: I admire you so much when you respond to people who disagree with your answers and criticize you for stating something you didn’t. I often wonder if you really mean, “Look, did you even read my response?”

You’re always so polite that I wonder if you’re actually an AI and not a human. LOL!

Fan: Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of questions – some complimentary and some critical – all wondering if I’m an AI robot. I understand that the spectrum of artificial intelligence covers all bases, and that these comments are sardonic, but it’s starting to scare me. (LOL!)

Dear Amy, I am a 62 year old man and need advice regarding my 11 year old daughter and granddaughter, who live on the other side of the country. Eighteen months ago, I flew to visit him.

My granddaughter wanted a “yes” day where I would take her for a fun day. We had a fantastic time. I tried to shower her with love and attention. Feeling a reconnection, with my daughter’s blessing, I bought her a cell phone so we could stay in touch. After the trip, I tried to reach out, but was ghosted by my granddaughter.

I discussed this with my daughter, who cynically informed me that my granddaughter was very busy and that maybe we could set up a monthly Zoom meeting. But I really wanted to talk one-on-one with this child, because I felt a growing connection that I wanted to maintain. My daughter obviously wanted to supervise her phone calls, which I thought I controlled.

She returned the phone to me with a nasty letter. This really upset me. It’s been 18 months without contact.

A Christmas or birthday gift is always acknowledged with a short, brief text from my daughter – never from my granddaughter. My relationship has always been strained due to my divorce 25 years ago, but it was a fantastic visit and we got along pretty well, so I’m lost, Amy.

I go with the flow and am by no means a curmudgeon. Any advice on how to do this?

Far: This visit went very well. But you live on the other side of the country. To your granddaughter, you are a nice old man who she doesn’t know very well. I don’t know many teenagers who would be able to form a one-on-one relationship with a distant grandfather over the phone. Children generally prefer to text. Sending funny photos and memes from your phone to his would have been a good way to build a connection.

Your daughter’s suggestion for a regular Zoom meeting was excellent. Your immediate assumption that she wants to “monitor” your contact is beside the point. Most parents know that children this age do not take to building relationships easily; the presence of the parent on the video chat helps to move things forward because it can encourage the child and the elder to discuss topics of common interest.

You’ve put a lot of pressure on this one visit to build one relationship and heal another, but even close, functioning families go through difficult times and communication problems. I hope you continue to try to connect and don’t take things so personally as you go along.

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.

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