Our niece didn’t know if we knew of her existence, as neither she nor her brother knew.
They were also not sure if their mother (who had been married to their father for almost 60 years) was aware of this, as their mother had not yet met their father when this son was born.
When my wife was 15, she knew her brother had impregnated his high school girlfriend.
It was in the early 1960s, and the girl’s parents decided to take her out of the state for pregnancy, and then place the child for adoption.
My wife feels like she’s in a “dead end” situation. If she blurted out that she knew about it, and her sister-in-law did do not know about that other child, then her niece and nephew might be mad at her.
If she didn’t say anything and somehow got out, her sister-in-law would be upset that she hadn’t been informed sooner.
Hope you have a few words of wisdom that will put my wife at ease in whatever she does.
Torn in Seattle: The most obvious answer is that this difficult knowledge did not belong to your wife. She was 15 when her brother fathered a child. I guess her own family kept her in the dark and the existence of this child was treated as a family secret, discussed only between directors.
Yeah, she should be honest about it now. She may be the only person of her brother’s generation who knows the truth. She can tell that she had hoped / assumed that her brother would at least have disclosed this to his wife, and that it was absolutely her story – not hers – to tell.
This is the most reasonable – and the most truthful – explanation. If her niece, nephew, and sister-in-law are angry with her, she should also understand that she is the only person left for them to be angry with, but eventually they should understand her unique position regarding this very situation. difficult. family secret.
Dear Amy: My 38 year old daughter will not allow her three children to stay with me while they are out of town for two days.
She lives out of state. I’m going to fly to his house and stay two weeks to watch their dog and their house while the five go on vacation.
Then, after the family returns home, my daughter and son-in-law will leave for two nights without the children.
I’ll be home already, but instead of the kids staying with me, they’ll all go to their other grandmother’s to stay for those two days.
My daughter and I have had a difficult relationship, but it’s been eight years since the bad times.
So I should be happy that she lets me watch the dog and the house?
She says she has her reservations about taking care of the children.
Should I say – or do – something?
Grandmother left behind: You don’t talk about the extent of your behavior during ‘bad times’, but it seems to me that your daughter is being extremely careful and cautious. After all, it is his job.
As you know, when you are a parent, if you have reservations about something or someone, the smartest thing to do is pay attention to your own instincts. Your daughter has been honest with you.
Caring for three children can be overwhelming, and if you don’t know them very well, she may worry about how the stress of being together will affect you all.
I hope you will spend time with the whole family to continue to reintegrate yourself into their lives. Thank you for trying.
Dear Amy: “Upset Friends” reported that they have friends whose views match “white supremacy”. How do they know? How to do you know?
Upset: Racism is like Justice Potter Stewart’s oft-quoted response to obscenity: “I know it when I see it.”
“Upset Friends” reported that their friends’ opinions aligned with white supremacy, so I assumed they knew that when they saw it.
2021 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency