Some pushed the criticism further. One accused her of “coddling” and encouraging “man-child” behavior. One attributed his generosity to a “white savior” complex. And why not, some wondered, ask what kind of help his neighbors really wanted before making assumptions? The outrage also flowed the other way, with people slamming the critics.
The social media food battle left us exhausted, but we also wondered: Have the rules for donating homemade food changed? Does the simple act of preparing a casserole or cookies for a stranger have to be so heavy? We sought advice from two experts.
Are people cooking more for neighbors?
Laura Malcolm, founder and chief executive of Give InKind, a service that allows users to arrange meal trains and other forms of support, says that while gift cards for meal delivery services have become popular , many people still enjoy receiving a home-cooked meal. others. The practice of greeting new neighbors with baskets of cookies and a barrage of casseroles may not be as common as it once was, but it hasn’t gone away.
“It’s cultural and regional,” she says. “But there are absolutely communities where it’s still happening — think all the Midwestern hot food.”
People might be more suspicious of their neighbors than ever, thanks to the Nextdoor culture, which can foster petty arguments and mistrust. And people can be more aware of various dietary restrictions and allergies.
Nick Leighton, host of the label’s podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?”, notes that what’s considered normal depends on where you live. “The label is local,” he says. “I live in Manhattan, and people don’t pop-in here. It’s not a thing.
Ask before cooking – if you can
If possible, you can contact your recipient first. Malcolm suggests avoiding a generic question like “Can I do something to help?” because the most typical answer is no. “Try something like, ‘Can I bring you dinner on Tuesday?’ “, she says. “Or ‘Can I walk your dog for you?’ if it’s someone who has trouble getting around. You can then ask about dietary preferences or restrictions.
The woman who makes chili made assumptions about her neighbors, which could have irritated people online, Malcolm notes. “It’s great to take more things into consideration” when you offer help, she says. “But I don’t think we want to lose the idea that you can just show up and see a need and offer something, that that need really exists.”
Leighton notes that it doesn’t matter someone’s private reasons for giving a gift — what’s important is how it’s presented. In the case of the chili, “there was potentially a judgment – the motivation was that they couldn’t cook or they needed to, and that’s why people jumped on it,” he says. If she told them that when she gave it to them, “I don’t like it,” he says. “But if she says, ‘I made too much chili, that’s it,’ that’s fine.”
And no matter what you do, it’s best to gift it in a container you don’t need (which just creates a rush for the recipient). And it’s best if it’s something they can slip into the freezer if they can’t eat it right away.
Give home-cooked food without the wait
If you prepare and give someone food, you have to accept that they can turn around and throw it in the trash. But that’s no reason not to do it anyway – or to shame those who do.
During major disasters, such as hurricanes, people send bundles of blankets and teddy bears that are not needed, or a diner leaving a restaurant may give their leftovers to a homeless person who doesn’t want them. really. But even if the result isn’t what the giver wanted, those impulses need to be nurtured regardless, Malcolm says. “Do we really want to cut this, just because it might be wasteful?” she asked. “Altruism cannot always be effective, and do we want to reduce benevolence?”
Receiving food with gratitude
If you’re the recipient of an unsolicited food delivery, there’s only one way to respond, and that’s with a timeless “thank you” — even if eating it would make you burst into hives.
“A recipient must graciously agree, even if it’s the wrong thing, like the shirt is the wrong size or ‘I’m a vegan, why are you giving me a Steak of the Month club membership?’ “, says Leighton, noting that the recipient must focus on the alleged good intentions at play.
Always on trend, too: A handwritten thank you note is never a bad idea, he says, and if the dish arrived in a reusable container, be sure to return it – clean.
