I have grown and changed over the years to overcome the damage of a sad childhood, and both of my children have overcome everything they went through because of my incompetence, most likely through therapy.
My daughter and I are close, while my son, who I was very close with, started to treat me with disdain once he left alone.
I wondered if telling them both the true story of my upbringing, including the traumatic events they had no idea had happened to me and my siblings, would be okay so late in the day. game. They are very moral and responsible adults, in strong marriages.
I almost feel like I answered my own question, but what does Amy think?
Mom: I do not suggest starting a discussion about this with your children unless there is a meaningful context and until you are prepared for a wide range of responses, ranging from compassion towards you to blame you for denigrating their grandparents after they died.
It would be wiser to begin by discussing your childhood trauma with your siblings. They are your peers and other survivors. They may have made disclosure choices with their own families that would influence you.
Understand that your kids might see this as a bombshell and aren’t sure what to do with your revelations.
Approach this candidly as a successful survivor, honestly answering the questions: “How was Grandpa when you were young?”
“It was tough for us. I’m glad he was a much nicer grandfather.
I suggest starting an open and frank conversation about alcohol abuse in your childhood. Alcoholism can manifest as a family disorder, and your children should be aware of alcoholism in their family.
Trying to repair the relationship with your son should be a priority. I don’t believe you would necessarily build a bridge by talking about your childhood experiences, but by encouraging him to talk about his own and then go from there.
You mention that your children may have had therapy. A therapist would help you through this process now.
dear Amy: I attended a big party in a public place. All the (many) gifts were placed on a table.
My gift was expensive and personal, and ever since I placed it on the table, I feared it might not reach the recipient’s hands.
It’s been over a month and I haven’t heard anything. Should I call? I don’t want to look like I’m looking for a trailing thank you card.
Concerned: Yes, call, SMS or e-mail. You can start by saying how much fun you had at the event and thanking the person for inviting you.
So be honest! Say, “I was a little freaked out that my gift got lost in the pile. Can you do me a favor and tell me if you received it?
dear Amy: “Frustrated with in-lawswrote about his wife taking calls from her siblings every night.
Here’s a sanity saver I started during a time of conflict for my family that applies to “exhausting” calls/texts from family/friends.
We call it the “8:00 p.m. rule,” and after 8:00 p.m. each day, we stop talking or thinking about anything negative, upsetting, or out of our control.
If we can’t solve it “tonight”, it’s out of our minds so we can rest and refresh for the next day. This also applies to taking calls or texts from others who will not contribute to our respite time.
I tell others about it so they know I’m not ignoring them, but giving myself time to recharge so I can be the friend or family member they need.
It works wonderfully, and I hope your other readers will find some value in this practice.
Reloaded: I appreciate the way you frame this choice, and recommend it to others.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
